Pants

When I get up in the morning the first thing I do
I have to do this before I put on a shoe
I slide on my pants, one leg at a time
If I look in the pocket then I’ll find a dime

In my pants I walk the streets
I own pants made form old bed sheets
These pants are a polyester cotton blend
I catch a little breeze when I break wind

There are only a few times when my pants are off
When I’m in the shower or when the doctor says “cough.”
Other than that my pants, they stay on
Always, from the late dusk until the early dawn

These pants have seen all sorts of things
I hate static, it makes my pants cling
I typically prefer the button fly
A zipper down there can make a man cry.

When my pants are too large I wear a belt
I can use my belt as a whip and it’ll leave a welt.
Pants can be different colors black, grey or blue
My pants are so flexible in them I can do Kung-fu.

All in all I like my pants a lot
Somebody once stole my pants and we fought
I’ll never lose my pants until the day I die
If I did there would be another pair I would soon buy.