How to Gain Respect on the Golf Course (Without Practice)

22 04 2008

The golf course can be a very tricky place for any number of reasons. It is a sport very rich in prestige and tradition. And odds are, you are about to embarrass yourself once you set foot on that finely trimmed grass. Playing golf well commands a high level of respect from both your friends and spectators. A straight, long drive can take a seemingly overweight, alcohol swilling, cigar smoking man and turn him into an elite athlete (i.e. John Daly).


The clothes make the man. The first thing that anyone will see when you arrive at the course, before you even step foot on the grass is your apparel. Dressing the part and having the appropriate accessories can gain you respect without you having to ever swing a club. The first thing we need to focus on is the pants. Pants are typically put on the back burner while people focus on buying flashy golf shirts. Instead, I recommend a nice pair of plaid knickers. This makes a bold statement which will draw attention to your pants and distract everyone from the final resting place of your drives. The plaid knickers allow you to pay homage to the dress of the originators of this great game. With the past covered below your waist, your shirt needs to be a very modern style. Bright flashy colors again are best, but steer clear of the clearance racks on this one. A bright green, sweat wicking shirt with arm pit ventilation can increase your comfort and overall look. Next, you are going to need accessories. A hat is a must, remember, bigger is better. Long socks are necessary and should bare a simple and elegant design. Shoes should be bright white and cleaned thoroughly before each round. Now, the most crucial ingredient in this entire equation is your glove. You must have a nice golf glove that is worn in but not beat up. Keeping in mind that you will only be wearing one glove, avoid anything with sparkles, while it may be pleasing to the eye this will cause people to hide their kids from you.


Many people are going to invest lots of money in their clubs buying top of the line equipment, this is a waste of time. You should spend your money on getting the nicest golf bag you have ever set your eyes on. The more compartments the better. For guidance on what features to look for check out Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack.” Once again this can be a distraction to keep other golfers from noticing your awful actual golfing abilities. Since you spent so much money on your bag you may be concerned about the lacking quality of clubs in your bag. I am here to give you the best solution to this problem. Many people like to put covers on their drivers. Why not extend that practice to all of your clubs? If one is good, more is better. Putting a cover on all of your clubs will make an exciting fashion statement and will allow you to conceal the true maker of your clubs (Wal-mart makes a fine club).


Nothing demands respect on the golf course quite like a few, well used bits of meaningful terminology. Tossing around phrases like birdie and hole in one will not gain you the respect you are looking for. Instead, you are going to need to employ things like “I am going to have to hit a high draw around this strong dogleg, I want to stay out of that cabbage.” The fact that you know the strategy behind this shot and are able to express yourself in such technical terms totally takes away from the fact that you have no idea how to actually pull off this shot.

Sitting around the club house, decked out in your golf clothes sipping drinks and throwing around your new found golf phrases will make you a popular guy at the country club and earn you the respect you have been looking for. You will be able to impress your friends and business associates and will allow you to go golfing with important people without you feeling inadequate.




2 responses

22 04 2008
Doug Kercher

Hi Goochy,

Thanks for the wonderful information. This is really helpful for me…

22 04 2008

I am glad I could help

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