How To Guide To Parties

9 05 2008

Parties are a great place to meet people and, starting in high school, they become a very important part of determining one’s social status. Being a hit at a party is a great way to boost your popularity and seem like a much more important person than you really are.

Being Invited

The biggest challenge facing many outsiders looking in is getting invited to the party. Many people will make the mistake of trying to suck up to the person hosting the party. This is a rookie mistake; the best way I have found to get yourself invited to parties is:

  • Find someone who you know has been invited to the party
  • Approach this person and ask “Hey, are you going to the party this weekend?”
  • When they respond with a yes ask them what time the party starts.
  • Finally, ask if they have directions to the party because you lost yours.

This will get you the necessary information to attend the party, You must introduce yourself to as many people as possible before the party starts so that no one suspects you of being uninvited to the party once you are there.

First Arrival

When you first enter the party it is very important to play it cool and feel out the vibe of the party. You need to stay on the outside and make sure not to embarrass yourself right when you arrive. Trying to become the hit of the party right when you arrive will result in you most likely being thrown out of the party (see below). Find someone else who looks similarly out of place and begin to chat them up. Maybe you will be able to find out some interesting tidbits and conversation starters about the other guests. It should be advised that the only place you should not hang around all night is the punch bowl or bar; this will make people think that you are either spiking the punch or stealing drinks out of the bar, either way people will think that you are an alcoholic.

While you are on the outskirts of the party you need to be watching the crowd in the middle of the party. This is where you can identify the stars of the party and find out whom you need to impress. These people will be glittering with “it,” they will be charming and conversing with many different people. If you get in with one or two of these people you can be sure to be invited to the next party without having to get yourself invited (see above).

Becoming The Hit

In order to reap all of the benefits of the party, and to ensure that you are invited to many more parties, you must become the hit of the party. In order to do this you must woo as many partygoers as possible. This could be done by stunning all of party animals individually with your conversational abilities, this is very hard and we don’t have enough space here to teach stunning conversational skills. Instead, you need to find a way to impress a large number of people in one fell swoop. If you are in high school, the best way to be a hit is to bring an awesome party mix CD and perform an astonishing air guitar solo on top of the kitchen table, also being able to stuff the most grapes in your mouth will help. Collegiate students should aim to impress by jumping off of balconies into pools or canoeing down the stairs of the house on the couch cushion using a wooden spoon to paddle. And anyone looking to woo associates after graduation should bring a killer 6 foot party sub to the party and polish up a hilarious story that you can tell loudly to large group (make sure if telling the same story multiple times there are no people who have already heard the story because they may realize you only have one story, also change stories every party).

When The Party Dies

A party is a living, breathing, being, and like all other living, breathing things, it will die. The key is to get out of the party before the death occurs. The sorry souls stuck at the party as soon as the death begins will feel obligated to help the host clean up. You must avoid this by leaving the party before this stage occurs, careful though, leave too early and you could miss the tail end of the party’s climax negating any work you did to become the hit of the party. The death of the party has been initiated once 10 people have gone to the coatroom to retrieve their jackets. They may not leave immediately; they might stick around and chat with others but once the seal on that coatroom has been broken 10 times, this party is done; get out as soon as you can.

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