Toughest Jobs

30 07 2008

Here is a compilation I have made of some jobs that I think would be extremely difficult to do. They are not neccessarily the most physically demanding but they are the jobs that I feel like I would cry myself tonight everynight if I had to do. Next time you start to hate your job remember this and be thankful:

  • The Guy Who Writes The Storylines for the Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right. This person is not getting paid enough no matter what their salary is. They are given 5 of the most random items and told to make some sort of cheesy storyline that the the announcer can read while awful actresses demonstrate how to use these prizes. Imagine if I told you to write a 5 minute story using a washer and dryer set, a lawn mower, sailing equipment, two mopeds and a set of dishes. Also the actors that will portray this were selected on the basis of attractivness and they have little or no familiarity with how to use these products.
  • Porn studio janitor. This job sort of speaks for itself. Naked people roll around for hours under bright lights, then they pack up the equipment and hand you a broom, and a mop… and probably a squeegee.
  • Bass Player for Michael Bolton. Not only are you under appreciated merely because you are a bass player, you also have to listen to Michael Bolton sing every night. Groupies carrying AARP cards probably aren’t sweetening the deal either.
  • Dog food taster. The commercials always advertise that it tastes like real beef and chicken, how do they know? Someone has to try it out. Imagine eating beef flavored Cocoa Puffs without milk all day, everyday.
  • Satanism recruiter. Someone has to be recruiting all these people to keep becoming satanists. What do you have to make a sale though? “We get to do all the stuff the other religions tell you not to” will only get you so far. How would you sell Hell as an appealing afterlife? “The weather is always warm, the day we have cold weather is the day Hell freezes over…really!”
  • Unemployment office attendant. Not the job itself but imagine striking up a conversation with someone. Someone asks you “Do you have a job?” You respond “Yes.” “What field do you work in?” “I work in unemployment.” “So you don’t have a job?” “No I do have a job, I work in unemployment.” Any sort of social encounter would be excruciating.



One response

1 08 2008

>> Imagine if I told you to write a 5 minute story using a washer and dryer set, a lawn mower, sailing equipment, two mopeds and a set of dishes. >>

Sounds like a plot outline for a 48-hr film sequel. (Of course, any more I think EVERYthing sounds like a plot idea.) Mrs. Edwards and her boyfriend, Guido, are laundering her ill-gotten gains in the washer and dryer. While they’re eating dinner (using the dishes), the look-out thug, who is mowing the lawn, alerts them that Billy is on the way. They grab the still-damp bills, engage in a thrilling moped-vs.-scooter race to the river, and then escape to Paducah on her sailboat, the appropriately named Mething Around.

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