Fantasy football is a very popular game this time of year. Players are drafted, traded, waived, and picked up but this game can be very confusing for non-sports people and they are missing out on lots of fun. So here I have devised a fun game of fantasy pop culture for the non-sports fans to enjoy building a team of great performers.
Teams will be comprised of 6 players: 1 Political pundit (TV or Radio), 1 Musician, 1 Actor/actress, 1 Talk show host, and 2 all-purpose celebrities. (Tip: Draft a talk show host early, good all-purpose celebrities will usually still be available in the later rounds) Teams will draft in random order in a 7 round draft. After the draft, you will have the chance to drop one of your players and can then pick up other personalities to fill out your roster.
Scoring will be slightly different for each position. Musicians will gain points based on the number of billboard top 100 hits they have during the given season, actors/actresses will be scored based on how well their movies released during the season do. Talk show hosts receive points based on two catagories: How exciting their shows themes are (Former presidents on foreign policy: 10 points, I’m pimping out my niece: 80 points), and how exciting the people are they interview. Drafting Larry King won’t get you great points on themes but will score well on guests, vice versa for drafting Maury Povich. Political pundits receive more points based on how outrageous the things they say on air are. However, if their show gets cancelled you lost 50 points (Don Immus, risky pick).
For your two all-purpose celebrities, scoring is a little different. They can score points on a variety of actions. For instance, a photo of your shirtless male celebrity scores you 20 points, but a shirtless photo of your female celebrity scores you 100 points. Any commercial they appear in scores you 15 points but a sex tape scores 200 points. A sex tape of a celebrity over 50 years old scores double. A paparazzi photo of your celebrity (male or female) sans underwear scores 100 points (double for over 50 years old). An arrest of your celebrity scores you 30 points. A televised trial scores you 20 points per day of coverage, but, you lose 5 points a day for prison time (Who will be the next OJ Simpson?). A drunk celebrity scores 25 points (a drunk, shirtless David Hasselhoff scored 45 points). A check into rehab wins you 50 points but you lose double for each return visit. A marriage to a celebrity scores 25 points but a marriage to a no name wins 40 points (plus 15 for everytime he/she is seen in a wife beater/revealing tank top at a semi-formal event).
Top 3 Draft Picks:
1. Lindsay Lohan- She gets arrested fairly often, will probably check into rehab at least once during the season but she is a risk for multiple rehab check in’s. She was arrested quite a bit before but has had a recent lull, or as I call it, the calm before the storm. A sex tape or a drunken, shirtless parade through town seems imminent. This would be followed by an arrest or a check into rehab.
2. Maury Povich- While he loses points for not having the most interesting guests on he has some of the most exciting show titles on daytime TV. “Is it a man or is it a woman audience participation contest” is a sure fire win over Tyra Banks’ “Homeless in NYC.”
3. Rush Limbaugh- He gets the number 3 spot because he is predicted to make by far the most outlandish statements on air. What you occasionally think and then correct yourself realizing that was a dumb comment, that is what he says on national radio.
Michael Jackson- It is a risky pick because he hasn’t done much in the past few years, but history has shown us that if he does happen to go on trial for something that the coverage will be insane and will go on for weeks at minimum. Look to pick him up in free agency if you have a need post-draft for a celebrity.
Regis Philbin- Start him as a talk show host because he interviews some pretty interesting people, or if you are going for broke late in the season start him at celebrity and hope for some naked pictures to surface… on second thought, he really interviews some interesting people, start him at talk show host.