5 Best Products of 2008

16 12 2008

5. The Snuggie

I am strongly in favor of anything that keeps you warm while making you look like a sith lord. The only way that this product could improve was if the woman in the picture was using a lightsaber bookmark. What could be a better idea than combining the fashion styles of Tibetan monks while giving you the breezy feeling you get from hospital gowns. This is a can’t miss product.

4. Urine Gone

The name is very deceiving, not only does it remove urine stains, it also works on feces, blood and saliva. Not just for pets either, it’s great for people accidents. Is there a better product out there for covering up a murder? Anyone needing 24oz. of product to clean up all sorts of blood, saliva, feces and urine should probably be reported to the authorities, or buy some depends and band-aids. If you are like me you are probably asking yourself: Would this work the way you would think if you gave it to your dog, cat, or child? The answer, the website doesn’t say no so maybe! Plus, they come in wipes if you really want to get hands on!

3. Hands Free Toilet Flusher

Because twisting for a courtesy flush is just so uncomfortable.

2. The Hillary Nutcracker

I think the picture really says it all.

1. Anything I Sell!

Goochy Stuff

Funny Book Stuff

Nothing like a little self-promotion

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More Marketing Magic

12 12 2008

The “Magic Jack” is back on the advertising scene on my local television channels. My first post made notice of the incredible phraseology the Magic Jack advertisers used including “free local and long distance for only $19.95 a year.” The new commercials feature this same phrase and more. There are other great lines such as”for $39.95 a year you get the Magic Jack and you get the first year of free long distance and only $19.95 for optional years.” First, I have no idea what free means anymore. Second, what is an optional year? I would understand if this had said “additional years” but “optional years” makes me feel like you get to pick 5 of the next 8 years to get your free long distance at such a cheap cost. Mind boggling.

Personally, my favorite new phrase is as follows: “The first year is absolutely free with no payments for the first 30 days.” The advertisers have begun altering not just the meaning of our words, such as free, but they have begun to mess with the time continum. Is it possible the Magic Jack is so much fun that you will make a year’s worth of phone calls in 30 days? How quickly will I age if I were to purchase the Magic Jack? Since the Magic Jack has found a way to some how cram a year’s worth of phone excitment into 30 days, if I never use my phone will I ever grow older? If I use the *69 call back feature many times can I go back in time? The possibilities here are endless.

To quote Jacobin Mugato of Zoolander fame “Doesn’t anyone else realize this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”