Up and Adam in the Morning

27 05 2010

The Masked Smoker

14 05 2010

I was driving through town earlier today and I saw a man sitting outside of a building smoking, this in and of itself is not peculiar. What caught my attention was that the man had on a surgical mask. Originally, I found it ironic that this health care professional was sitting outside smoking. But, upon further inspection I realized was not near a hospital or medical office; so the only logical explanation was that this man was trying to protect himself from something in the air. I then started to think what is in our air that scares this man so much that the only way he will reveal his face and take an unprotected breath is if that breath is full of carcinogens and poisons.

Of course, it may not be something pre-existing in the air, perhaps this man is trying to enjoy a cigarette without experiencing the harsh side effects of second hand smoke. They say second hand smoke is just as dangerous as smoking is, thus, by wearing a surgical mask between puffs this man has reduced the danger of cigarettes by 50%. A man that at first seemed to be an ignorant dufus may well be revolutionizing a safer way of smoking cigarettes. Smoking jackets could soon be replaced by smoking masks.

Regardless of this man’s reasons for his smoking wardrobe he caused me enough unrest about the atmosphere to roll up the windows on my car.

Conversation with a Devil Worshipper

12 05 2010

Things Never Said At…Wal-Mart

6 05 2010

Here are ten things no one has ever said while at Wal-Mart:

  • “This place is so ritzy.”
  • “The customer service here is top-notch, everyone is so friendly and not on the verge of suicide.”
  • “Everyone here is so attractive and well-dressed, all of the customers have such a good sense of style.”
  • “This place is so well-organized and easy to navigate.”
  • “Boy, we got in and out of there quickly and efficiently.”
  • “The greeters here are so youthful.”
  • “This cart works very well and has expedited my shopping.”
  • “The thing about the theory of general relativity is orbital paths contradict many things put forward by Newton and it also results in gravitational time dilation.”
  • “The guys that collect the carts from the parking lot really have a great work ethic and excel at their job.”
  • “These bathrooms sure are cozy.”

2012: The Story of a Clever Underacheiver

5 05 2010