31 03 2011

Meeting of my Mind

18 11 2010

I was standing in the grocery store trying to picture what it would be like to not have an imagination. I looked over to say something to my existentialist real estate agent, he sold real estate but the estates were only real to him. I was distracted and my mind started to wander while I was keeping an open mind, and when I turned back around I had lost my mind. I turned to the real estate agent and said, “I lost my mind.” He asked me “where was the last place you put it?” I tried to think about it but I was coming up blank, because my mind was gone.

I tried to use my subconscious to figure out where my conscious mind was, but I ended up just getting very self-conscience because I could not longer distinguish between right and wrong since my conscious had taken my conscience with it. All of that would have confused me but I didn’t have a brain at the time to get confused.

Lucky for me I, when I was a child I had an irrational paranoia that the CIA had not put a computer chip in my brain and I was afraid to jog my memory for fear that it would run away. In order to calm my fears, my therapist put a tracking device in my head. Using a GPS I was able to find brain, a wind had caught my brain and I had to climb up on my roof and get my mind out of the gutter. After the reverse lobotomy I was back in my right mind. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, don’t let yours wander unless you are keeping a close eye on it. But, if you do lose your mind, take the opportunity to pick someone else’s brain for a little bit.

Poetry in Motion – The Road Less Traveled

11 10 2010

The Case for Carnivores

6 10 2010

There are people out there who will have you believe that being a carnivore is inhumane in today’s day and age because of the gruesome ways that animals are killed and prepared for eating. But I am here to tell you, that vegetarians are as vicious, if not more, than meat eaters.

Meat eaters make no bones about the fact that they love to eat off of the bones of animals. They have no problem discarding animal carcasses after they have picked the body clean of meat. It is the hypocrisy of vegetarians that is most bothersome. They accuse meat eaters of killing innocent animals just for an 8-ounce filet. But think about this: vegetarians kill innocent plants everyday. They say that these plants are grown for food, but I challenge a vegetarian to give an example of something beneficial cows would do if not harvested for happy meals. Cows are bred for steaks and yeast is bred for bread. Vegetarians eat the heads of lettuce, the hearts of artichokes, ears of corn, kidney beans, and crushed nuts. They eat baby carrots and baby spinach, plants that are never even given the chance live as full-grown plants, at least carnivores have the decency to use the word veal, not baby cow. You tell me which eating philosophy sounds more gruesome and inhumane!

Lesser Philosophical Writings

13 09 2010

The Missing Shade of Brown – David Hume

In the much-less-researched sister paper to his most famous idea “The Missing Shade of Blue,” that discussed Hume’s view of epistemology (he also drafted a work about shades of urine called ‘I-pissed-my-ology’), Hume writes about trying to describe the color of a rather intense bowel movement to his friends.

“Many will try to convince you to believe that all ideas are copied of similar impressions, however, I present a countering example. Upon ingesting sizeable portions of economically priced Mexican food I rushed to the restroom to defecate. Following this event, I was attempting to describe the elimination to a group of my colleagues and, though my colleagues had never seen this specific shade of fecal matter, I was able to tell them that the color lay somewhere along the gradient between deep bean burrito mahogany and foul hot-wing chestnut. Given only these two parameters, my colleagues were able to vividly picture the color, shade and hue of my elimination, despite the fact that they had never seen this specific shade of brown but were able to picture a shade of brown born not from recollection, but conceived merely by their own minds.”

The AIM – Plato

Here Socrates engages in a format, similar to the Republic, where he attempts to engage multiple other philosophers. Although this dialogue, unlike others, takes place in an AIM chat room, some philosophy historians believe it to be the alone@home room.

Socrates: Would it be fair to you well-minded men, to say that the appetitive part of the soul is that which lusts after, and seeks the pleasures of the body?
Blondebabe43: Where’s all the cute boys at?
Vrbrian222: 16/m any ladies wanna chat wit me?
Brooklynswagga212: Hey peoples!!!!!!!!
Blueeyesx119: 22/F lookin for a hot guy to chat
Socrates: What a clever way of consenting to my notions regarding the appetitive soul
Sweetannie19: hey guys a/s?
Hunk_henry: 22/m
Freddie2120: 14/m
Socrates: Forget this, you idiots aren’t helping at all
Socrates: 52/m

The Afterlife of God – Friedrich Nietzsche

Many people know the famous line for Nietzsche “God is dead,” but few know the full context of the line as it is presented in ‘The Afterlife of God.’

“God is dead, but I think he went to God heaven. He was a pretty good God. I bet His son takes over the family divinity; the Holy Spirit will probably cry nepotism though.”

The Story of a Blessing

5 08 2010

He was born ten months premature, and widely referred to as a miracle beyond science. His parents decided to name him Blessing, and they gave thanks for their small Blessing. His father was always skeptical about his conception and never fully embraced the child as his own. He was the youngest of 12 children and his parents were constantly struggling to keep up with all of them. Blessing grew up like any normal child until age 10, when his family visited the zoo. They spent the entire day roaming to zoo and corralling the children. Upon arriving home, Blessing’s parents called all of the children to the family room, that is when Blessing’s mother realized she had only returned with 11 children. When she brought the situation to her husband’s attention he asked “are you sure, did you make sure to count YOUR Blessing?” He asked sarcastically.

His mother drove frantically back to the zoo and asked the first employee she found the whereabouts of her child. “Do you have my Blessing?” She inquired. She sprinted through the zoo until she stumbled upon a startling sight. She looked in the lion’s cage and saw her youngest son, dawning a fake mane and lion outfit from the gift shop. She was concerned but relieved when she had finally found her Blessing in disguise. The mother instinctively cried out to the leader of the pride: “you have my Blessing.” The boy was returned to his mother and once again euphoric to have received her Blessing.