It was midnight when the Wilson family was awoken by the smashing and clattering of a lost soul rummaging around their living room. Mr. Wilson came downstairs to see the usual, crucifixes flying, scratches on the walls, things you would expect with any poltergeist. But the Wilson family had just moved in, and they were not going to just give their house to this phantasm. The Wilson’s called in some experts to communicate with the spirits and find out why they were haunting the house.
Mr. Wilson contacted a local historian who told him that years ago an eleven year old girl was murdered in the house and had been rumored to have been haunting the house ever since. The ghost hunters arrived later that day, ouija boards and all. The spirit greeted them in the lawn outside. One of the ghost hunters laid the ouija board down and began transcribing the message.
“Why don’t you come inside and we will play.”
The messages continued growing more and more graphic until the team ran terrified back to their van. Mr. Wilson demanded that the team “quit being a bunch of sissies and get in the house.” One of the ghost hunters finally stood up courageously and decided he would go into the house to investigate and would not leave until the residence was cleared. He exited the van and pushed nervously toward the door.
As he approached the house the door cracked a bit, and a strong gust of wind blew out of the door, the wind seemed to form the words “come in, I made some cookies in the kitchen, I am going to change, I will be out in a minute.” Terrified, the ghost hunter cracked the door and peered in, but everything seemed calm. He walked in stepping very cautiously on the creaking floorboards. Every shadow caused the ghost hunter great anxiety as he carefully surveyed the room. He entered the kitchen when the ghost of a tall, thin, investigative reporter appeared.
“Why don’t you have a seat at the counter?” the ghost calmly suggested. The ghost hunter turned a bright shade of white, as if he had just seen a ghost, probably because he had.
“Why did you come here today?” the ghoul questioned.
“I…I just came to meet this spirit who has been haunting this house,” the ghost hunter explained.
“Do you know how old the spirit you were trying to reach is?” the spirit asked.
“I think she said she is thirteen,” the man replied “I don’t really know exactly how old she is.”
The ghost began to interrogate the ghost hunter, “What were your intentions here today, why were you trying to meet an underage spirit?”
“I don’t know, I just wanted to talk to the ghost maybe get her to leave.” The man answered.
“So you were going to try to bring her home with you?” The lost soul inquired.
“No, no I was just trying to get her out of this house, I don’t really know where I wanted her to go.” The man quickly refuted.
“Well that is interesting, because I have the oija board transcripts right here.” The ghost stated, he began to read “I want to scare your (expletive deleted) and (expletives deleted) and I am going to haunt your (expletive deleted).” The disembodied spirit of the investigative reporter read as the ghost hunter hung his head in embarrassment.
“My name is Chris Phantom, and I’m with posthumous Dateline NBC, we are doing a story on men who come to meet underage spirits. Is there anything else you would like to say?” The ghost queried. The man, paralyzed by confusion, shook his head no and looked for on of his friends playing an elaborate joke.
“You are free to go,” the ghost said. The ghost hunter rose to his feet and walked out of the house fully expecting to be tackled by ghost police, however, he was allowed to walk all the way back to his van unharmed. Upon enter the van though, the van was lifted off of the ground and tossed on its top. Mr. Wilson and the ghost hunters scrambled from the car and decided to quit fighting these ghosts and instead, move to Canada, where nothing interesting ever happens.